Day 3

           People can be very susceptible to mood changes according to the weather. The common belief is very much supported by the children’s behavior today at Centro “2 de abril.” My goodness, it was crazy today! Well, truth is, it was not only the children’s fault. Because of the rain and crazy schizophrenic weather, car drivers were all frantic, and parents and siblings brought the students at varying times that suited their fancy more than the institution’s class dynamic. Today was marked by constant interruptions for reasons whatsoever, and my head is still ringing from the sound of the constantly sounding doorbell and children’s protests in the form of banging, screaming and crying.

T  Today’s 1:1 session was the most disorganized I’ve seen yet so far. Assess my opinion yourselves. Apart from waiting for Ana, who had been rendered late because of a car accident delaying buses, for fifteen minutes, I did not have to wait much for work to come to me. Today, my anticipation to work was abundantly satisfied, oh yes, believe me. As Ana finished changing her clothes among other business and I ate my fruits, a very sleepy and unmotivated Fe arrived twenty minutes before his usual time. When Ana and I settled him down (lead him to take off his coat, hang it and his bag on the hanger, sit on the mini sofa to wait calmly), Mu’s mother rang the doorbell and her son joined us. While I coaxed Mu into settling down, with the additional job of stopping him from running into the kitchen in search of something to eat, Ta was at the door. It amazes me, and all the other adults as well as a matter of fact, how much Ta loves Ana. Since the first moment he saw her, Ta has always been fascinated by Ana, pulling her face towards his and always asking her for a kiss. When we saw how much Ta adored her, how sluggishly reluctant Fe was, and how Mu was cuddling me (he is too strong, a problem because he is not aware of his tremendous physical strength; Ana and the others are worried I won’t live through the three weeks if Mu keeps showing his affection for me so…strongly), Ana and I relaxed and expected a laid-back morning, until 11h30 when students for particular classes with Josefina and another psychologist, Andy, would arrive.
Our expectations were soon crushed. We had read a book on a boy’s birthday party, to begin bringing the mood of a birthday party as it is Mu’s eleventh birthday next Tuesday. This assignment had taken extra long because Ta did not stop dragging Ana in jealousy of her spending time with him and two others, Fe pretended to fall asleep, and Mu fidgeted and tugged at my head as a sign of his love. Ana had turned on the television as a reward for the three boys, and for us to recover with a short rest, when an out-of-breath Andy rang the doorbell; her patient, Af, was coming half an hour quicker because her mother had some other matters to take care of as well. I was with Af for a short time only, but she seemed to exhibit one of the most severe aggression cases. She had a blank stare, glaring at something far away. And when people tried to touch her and persuade her to the classroom, she would violently thrush our hands aside and grunt, groan, loudly. Andy had to half-carry, half-push her into the room, from where I could hear shouts and grunts during the entire particular session.
To avoid further distractions and try to take advantage of as much time as possible, Ana decided to turn off the television much faster than usual when the children are granted television time as part of their agenda. Turning off the TV was a difficult task, mostly because it implied protests and fights against I’m-going-to-force-her-to-turn-on-the-TV-by-showing-her-the-pictogram-or-tugging-at-her-to-the-TV from all three boys, especially Fe. (I swear I cannot stand Barney and his song “I love you, you love me, we are happy family” anymore, because I’ve been listening to that theme song over and over and over again for the past three days, and know I will continue hearing it for the next two weeks and a half!) How many times throughout the day did I say “Barney se terminó” with the sign language for “end”? Innumerable and too many for me to recount.
At 11h20, Ana asked me to disconnect the television cable. As I did, I wondered why. My question was answered by the sight of JM running in and immediately going to turn on the TV and checking the cables when the TV did not respond to his command. I should consider becoming a security guard, because I am receiving much training for the job during my time at the school. JM is bright and quick-witted, and also very strong. JM is not the only one who hit me, most often on my forearms as I extend my hands towards them to persuade them to listen to me and heed to orders. My arms are beginning to reflect my struggles with bruises and red marks; the students have all overcome their “stranger’s fear” with me, and they resort to hitting among other signs of protest to test my resistance and authority against their caprices. Hold on, Se Jeong. Hold on! Cs, on the other hand, seems an angel when she plays. She is more open than the others and understands much better verbal language, responding to her name and simple questions in some verbal communication (whether coherent or not). But in the classroom, she can become a beast. For two hours, I jumped from sudden shouts and cries and “Ayudenme!” and “No! No! No quiero” and other similar expressions.
All in all, the morning was rocked by so many back-and-forths, and protests, and shouts, and tugs, amid other things, I would not be surprised if I forgot something, anything, else and more.

T  I would like to say the afternoon was quieter and calmer, but that would not be very close to the truth. Today, we had the entire group, including To. I gulped down my lunch today, and immediately ran into the living room. No room should be left unguarded, without supervision. And I am the quickest and freest to move around and “hunt down” for accident-preventions. “Do not walk around while eating.” “Sit properly on a chair or mini sofa while watching TV.” “Look at what you are doing while you are working on something.” are among my common repetitions. The front door, the fridge, any shelf, the bathroom, are among my common destinations. Catching an escaping student. Running behind an awaiting trouble. Twisting away from a hand-grab or hit of protest. By the end of the day, I’m so tired I do not feel like bothering to stop my sister, father or Mother from doing anything they want or ask. I’ve had my share of protesting and saying “no” for the day, week, month, year.
The therapists led the group activities today. I walked around a little, but spent most of my time with To, Si and Mu. The director spends most of her time and attention on To in order to figure out the best program for his learning. But she also has to work with other students, so she asked me to go this way and there to fill in the holes. That’s why I ended up running around and behind To, because I cannot allow any broken anything. Besides, I think To is even more protesting and rebelling because he is in denial of coming to Centro “2 de abril.” He refuses to comply with demands because he does not want to have anything to do with us. He even kicked the window today, and was harshly reprimanded by the director because that could be dangerous. (There had been previous accidents of broken windows, with Jo.) Si originally shied away from me again for two hours. But afterwards, he was jumping all around and over me, asking me to play with him even to the delight of the other psychologists. “Está fascinado con vos,” Lori always says. Si is so sweet and cute, always asking me to rub my nose against his, kiss his cheek, pick him up, and today, to hold his hand as he bounced on the trampoline and therapeutic ball (the same as the one in the weight room at UAS, now that I think of it). Si also pays a lot of focused attention on me, and has the highest ratio of answering to his name when I call him compared to others. I feel flattered, really. Mu is lazy and shy, but very tender and cuddly like a teddy bear. I just hope he does not suffocate me before the end of my time, with his strength and signs of affection.

T  The director and the other psychologists seem to use the students’ reactions around me to teach them emotions, because I heard them refer to “felicidad” and “amor” as they pointed at me and explained the emotions and all. Oh! That brings me to this: Fr was given a time-out because he was becoming violent and aggressive again. The director left him out in the garden (with an eye kept on him from inside, of course) until he asked to be left back in, under the condition he will listen and obey. What surprises me is Br’s reaction to Fr. Br is scared of Fr, who hit him once last week, but Br does not understand the feeling of fear he is exhibiting. Br feels but does not know the emotion he is feeling. We took the opportunity to teach him, label the emotion as fear, in the hope he learns the association.

T  Autistic children as well know how to taunt. For example, Jo was taunting Ta because the latter did not receive potato chips for misbehaving. Jo would hold out his in front of Ta and thrust it into his mouth when Ta reached out for it. I’m surprised, because to me, this implies that humans really do have a darker side inside, hidden somewhere. Even if we may not be aware of it, it transpierces through.

I’m pretty sure there is more. There always is more for me to remember and record. But I just cannot bring my mind to remember more. I think I’ll leave it up to here for today. I need to sleep and recharge my energy for tomorrow. The director and the other therapists all are worried that I may be doing too much, and that I am scared and tired of going to Centro “2 de abril” anymore, after these first three days. But the truth is I am so happy, though exhausted, that I do not mind any of the things I witness, experience and live through. They thank me for my help and disposition to help. I thank them for allowing me to share in their work. It’s a double win, benefitting both sides. It’s perfect.

           By the way, as a side note, I should really start wearing warmer clothes to my internship, because I am going to end up like “Frozen” in appearance and not just in songs. As soon as I arrive home, the first thing I do is rush into my room to turn on the little electric heater and crouch in front of it in the hope of melt my still-trembling body. I don’t blame anyone for my frostbitten state; it is no one’s fault that the heaters at the center are uncooperative and the heating system is so expensive. But I do wish it could be warmer! I don’t mind cold outside, but I do prefer being in a cozy, heated environment (that’s why I do not mind Canada at all weather-wise – they have great, low-cost heating systems there). In that aspect, I sometimes miss school and the usually warm classrooms.