Finale: Day 16

My readers might be wondering, “Why skip ‘Day 16’? Why disrupt the chronological flow of the posts?” I have made the following decision, to publish “Day 17” before “Day 16,” because I felt the contents of the latter post would bring more of a finale to my blog. For me, my last Friday at Centro “2 de abril” truly brought an end to my internship. Friday was the last day I spent with the students I have been helping, attending, and grew fond of during the past three weeks. Therefore, here we go for my last post on my internship experience at Centro “2 de abril.”

Friday, June 6^th, 2014

Before dropping in the school, I passed by the nearby kiosco, one minute away, to buy little presents for the students and teachers. Predicting the stocks for merienda were low, I bought cookies from the students’ favorite brand, four packs of different flavors each. Aware the teachers barely had time to eat properly in between their trips from one workplace to another or to university, I bought an alfajor for them to munch upon. I knew it wasn’t much, but I still wanted to show them a tangible sign of my appreciation, in honor of the time I spent among them wonderful people.

I arrived just in time to say my last goodbye to April, who was heading from a therapy at Centro “2 de abril” for a home-service session with the now-healed Bo (thank goodness!). She loved the alfajor, and gave me a huge hug. “Te voy a extrañar pila! Gracias por toda tu ayuda, en serio,” she told me earnestly. All the therapists have been assuring something similar. I’m happy I wasn’t a burden, but on the contrary am esteemed as a valuable help.

Mu arrived forty minutes late, but Ana and I didn’t really see the time pass. We were quite busily and gladly taking advantage of his tardy, sharing future plans and personal stories. Mu seems to have recovered somewhat from his cold. He did not sneeze anymore, but his cough sounded as a result of something caught in his throat. One thing I realized with a pang is that Mu does not know how to blow his nose. It seems so obvious, to blow a runny nose in a tissue, yet Mu did not know how. And I doubt the other boys know either. When Ana or I saw Mu with a runny nose, or perceived mucus accumulating visibly, we fetched a tissue and cleaned the area; then, in the attempt to squeeze as much mucus out, we would repeatedly press the upper part of Mu’s nose. This was the best we could do. And it really is not much, for Mu began to sniffle a couple minutes afterwards.

Ana was less forgiving than April, and she demanded much more work done from the sick Mu. She did not spare him for breakfast either, and for the first time I saw her practice pictograms with him. I was surprised, as Ana used pictograms differently from April. I had naively deduced there would be a universal way to use pictograms with autistic children, and I was rapidly struck back to reality. Just as the therapists had varying teaching methods and interactions with the students, they employed the pictograms differently.

As a reminder of April’s method: She prepares two cups and two bowls, with one of the two filled with food or drink. She keeps the filled cup and bowl, and gives the empty bowl and cup to Mu as well as the pictogram board. He has to give one pictogram according to what he wants, either milk/juice or toast/cookie. Depending on his facial expression, April and I can see whether he has acquired what he wanted or not.

Now, how does Ana use pictograms? Her method extended breakfast much longer. She did not open her mouth once, leaving Mu to his own pace. April forced Mu to sit while eating, ending his breakfast if he trespassed three warnings. Ana, on the other hand, allowed Mu to walk around the kitchen-dining room; she and I were only guarding the exits such that he would not escape to another area. Throughout the entire breakfast-pictogram exercise, Mu walked up and down, this way and that, asking for a sip of juice or mouthful of cookie when he pleased. Ana later explained that she avoided verbal communication during the exercise because she wanted Mu to understand the situation alone. She wanted him to realize he was having breakfast, and he alone had the “power” to receive his food. Mu must have been surprised to work for his breakfast as well; indeed, with Ana, he usually has the easier way out (until he has to mop the table and sweep the floor), given the filled bowl and plate immediately.

           After the breakfast exercise was over, Mu was taken for an entire hour of work. Even though Ta arrived, Ana did not relinquish against Mu’s sluggishness. I felt sorry for Mu, and encouraged him with smiles and affectionate pats on the back, though I did not give in to chasing behind him when he managed to run away. That boy is too strong, and it is with brains rather than physical strength that I have to bar his way out. When working with Mu, a fortress of chairs, tables and other furniture has to be built to defend the exits. Afterwards, with Ta, she delayed lunch for half an hour as a punishment for Ta’s whiny and uncooperative disposal to work. He cried and screamed, turned his head from left to right and up and down, stared at Ana and turned to my more accessible smiling face when she looked back at him hard. Ta barely finished a quantity equivalent to a third of Martin’s, and hey! I’m proud that I was the one who led through the completion of one! Still, I must say, Ana can be stubbornly unyielding. Although I persevered through Ta’s caprices, there were various occasions during which I faltered and almost crumbled under his strident shouts.

           I ate lunch in the living room today, to look over the students who were streaming in one by one (remember, I was half an hour behind the normal schedule). Thank goodness I was there! An accident could be prevented between Jo and Si. Jo always tries to assert his superiority to others, and really wants to act grown-up. He was trying to brandish the protesting Si in the air, in spite of my pleas for him to put him down, and Si almost tumbled over to the floor. I was there just beside to catch him in my arms. But my heart skipped a beat or two. It’s the second time Si almost fell headfirst to the ground, though this time, it was hardly his fault. Si is experiencing a regression; his behavior has been on an exponential decay during my internship. Today, he pulled To’s hair with both hands, laughing quite diabolically, and he also enjoyed scratching Jo and tearing at Josefina’s hands. I didn’t witness any of this craziness, but I did see the consequent injuries and wounds. Si only touched me once, and not as aggressively, and it’s therefore queer for me to think him so. But yet, I do not doubt his capability of his doing it. Behind his adorable appearance, and his gentleness when he leads me to the therapeutic ball or to help him put his shoes on again (which he purposely takes off to hoard my full attention on him), Si hides a lot of “primitiveness” I have glimpsed from books he tore apart and tantrums he threw. After all, I never am the one who forces him to work or complete his assessment.

           How stubborn these students can be is astonishing! Do you know how long Br insisted to not say the date? Thirty minutes. Ana, in turn, did not satisfy his thirst for water for the same amount of time. She even “tortured” him by drinking the cup of water she had brought for him originally right in front of him. But he did give up easily. I tried to persuade him to say the answer, but no, no, no.

Br: “Quiero agua o algo asi.”
Se Jeong: “Y yo quiero que me digas la fecha. Que dia es hoy? Hoy es el... vvv...”
Br: “Viernes!”
Se Jeong: “Muy bien! Viernes cuanto? Viernes.... sss....”
Br: “Viernes sabado!”
Se Jeong: “No Br. Tu ya sabes. Lo habias dicho antes. Hoy es viernes… seee…”
Br: “Siete! Se ensucio! Tadam!”

And so on. This is just one of the examples. I swear, I felt as if I was caught in a catch-22. Br has talent to drive someone crazy. And I don’t know how he managed to hold on so much. At the same time, I now know his asking for water is a way to attract attention, or run away from a room. I now know to not give in to him easily. The therapists congratulated me for learning so much on the children, and understanding them so well. They say I have the ability to make people feel comfortable and become a ray of sunlight for those around me; they say the students felt it as well. They also say that, despite my smiling and comforting presence, the boys realized they will not have the easy way out with me, and they do not try to take advantage me as much anymore (though occasionally). Anyways, after thirty minutes, Br did give up to Ana’s expectations, and he answered the date for a cup of water he drained in one shot.

           Fr was much more obedient than Br, although anyone would be considered tame compared to Br today. And I understood the reason behind Fr’s unstoppable laughs. He laughs at the content of “Barney.” Today as well, he couldn’t stop chuckling while he watched the movie with his classmates. But he suddenly became serious and was absorbed in “Monsters Inc.”, when I changed the DVD after the promised half an hour. Al, however, never minds whichever movie is put on. He always watches silently and with a docile smile. Oh and Al was as sweet as ever. I’m glad I never saw one of his protests. Josefina told me he can have quite shocking ways to voice his displeasure… But aww! You know what his mother told me? Al is very eager to come to the school nowadays, and is always ready before time. I didn’t know, because he is quite anxious to go home after five twenty, as his pickup time nears and he feels his mother will ring the doorbell soon. I really hope my absence won’t affect anybody negatively. I really don’t want to hurt anyone.

           To, To, To. You know, I think being around To for too long is unhealthy. Anytime I hear something crash or similar to a dropped object, I immediately think, “Oh no! To!” before realizing To has already gone home, or I am not at Centro “2 de abril.” I’m going to miss the sudden jerking movements, the constant pull of reflexes. I’m going to miss his cheeky smile as he runs back to me to point at the upside-down pot of flower or pencil holder. I’m going to miss his leaning on me, with his cheek for me to kiss. To, I hope you go to the zoo someday, even though I won’t be there. Promise me you will behave even better, that you will improve even more from the progress you have already made during my stay. Promise, promise.

          The morning was a long study period, but the afternoon was looser. We spent forty five minutes playing outside. I really felt as if I was a little girl again, playing the children’s games while helping the boys (hm, I sound so old, talking about “when I was a child!) Of course, my carefreeness was momentarily spoiled by a sudden chasing behind a boy to prevent a naked show in the backyard or to preserve a jar or whatever reason else. But the adrenaline rush is part of the fun. Afterwards, we went inside for an hour of movies (“Barney” and “Monsters Inc.”, to satisfy both ranges of age). Then, we had an hour of “trabajo en grupo,” during which the boys go over the date, days of the week and months of the year, and “discuss” the weather. When the boys' concentration and attention could not be retained, Ana and Josefina announced we would all dance for a bit. It was fun, twirling and skipping around the room, hand in hand with the ones who dared to prance and dance! They even asked me to put on a Korean song, and I did. I chose two I knew the choreography of and had easy, repetitive moves. They all seemed to enjoy the mini-show, though they did not try to learn the dance as they were too amused to watch me. Finally, we had merienda. We waited for the parents while waiting outside, raking leaves and running around. The afternoon was organized a flexible schedule because there were only two adults (I don’t consider myself an adult quite yet) for the eight boys. It made me relax more and enjoy myself better. I could also spend more time in making silent goodbyes and wishing quiet “good luck”s to them all.

           My only regret is that I could not say see Fe for a last time. But he has already said his goodbye to me, when he was so tender to me last week. Jo and Fr know I won’t be coming anymore. But I don’t know if the younger children comprehended I won’t be there from now on. I am taking so many good memories at their sides, so many fun times alongside the therapists. I do not know how to express my gratitude completely and adequately to express my feelings. I also want to thank you, my readers, who have faithfully followed my posts and shared my internship experiences. I hope you have enjoyed yourselves, and are warmed by my stories. Thank you for spending your time with me, finding out and building relationships. 

Day 17, the last

Can you believe it? Today was my last day of internship! And it was a gift of a day. Cs and Jm were both well-behaved, and did not give me a hard time at all. Being with Jm was like an easy babysitting job. He played alone while I watched over him. Cs was in a bad mood, and her temper flared now and then. But her bursts were ephemeral, and from the training I received with the nine boys, I was prepared to handle her. I also bid farewell to Barney (oh, I am never watching Barney the purple dinosaur ever again!). I was surprised and amused when Cs began to sing alone, though this consisted of the repetition of a single line of the entire song over and over again. I was a little shocked when I realized I knew almost all the lyrics of each song. Really, I promise myself I won’t watch Barney ever again.

What a nice and peaceful way to close my internship, don’t you think?

Day 15

           April was surprised when she and I waited over an hour for Mu to arrive. Remembering Mu’s pitiful state yesterday, I attributed his absence to a worsened condition. I didn’t expect, in the least, to see him and his mother ringing the doorbell. Poor, poor Mu! He came at Centro “2 de abril” sniffing with his red nose, sneezing continually, and hot from fever. But, his mother explained, he does not have much alternatives; the mother has to go to work, the house is under reparations, and he has nowhere to go except for the school. On the other hand, although I am concerned about Mu’s recovery, I am also worried he will transmit his illness to the other people at the school. I hope the germs won’t spread anywhere. April and I did not push him too hard on his exercises, did not raise our expectations too high. We did not, however, grant him the satisfaction of behaving capriciously, of being chased after and cajoled back to the classroom. To prevent reinforcing his behavior by giving him the desired reward, April even insisted she and I ignore him completely, only barring the exits by standing in front, without acknowledging him when he tried to escape. Her plan worked, because after a couple attempts Mu stopped running around and away, instead remaining seated. Evidently, it bored and tired him to prance around for no rewards. Mu balanced from one extreme to the other; he was all restless and hyper upon arrival, and ended up dead and limp by the end of his 1:1 session. When he was done with work, Mu resumed lying back on the mini sofa, even burying his head in his arms. Poor, poor Mu! How tired he must have felt! Get better soon, dear Mu.

           Ta was a whole other story. He was whining and shouting and crying nonstop, all because we did not turn on the television. I’m getting used to the fits and sudden outbursts, because I’ve been hearing a lot of the sort lately. But it still uses up my nerves to repress waves of impatience and the surges to snap, “Please be quiet!” at the loud protests. Ta never wants to work, and he always manages to distract himself! It sometimes frustrates me tremendously, because I just cannot tell whether he has heard me and is openly ignoring me, or whether he has not understood what I said. But I have to be forgiving and patient and understanding. And I hope I am successful, in Centro “2 de abril” and elsewhere as well.

           My half day was pretty relaxed. I had an hour to talk with April, and we bid ourselves “goodbye” and “good luck,” for it was the last time I saw her. Since Tuesday, I have been saying goodbye to one person per day. . It relieves the charge emotionally, but it still touches me a bit. Saying goodbye… So many goodbyes to say this month! Tomorrow, I’ll be seeing the last of the students attending group classes at Centro “2 de abril.” Josefina told me the students will feel my absence and miss me. I hope I haven’t and won’t disrupt anything in their lives. I hope there won’t be any emerging attachment issues. I’ll head to sleep now. I wanted to be as ready and fresh as possible for tomorrow’s last meeting.

Day 14

           Today was my last normal day at Centro “2 de abril.” Lori will be gone on Friday for personal reasons. Therefore, Friday will not be a regular schedule day; rather, it will be an equivalent to a “Fun Free Friday” during which the students will be given more leisure time and flexibility in the choices of their activities. After all, with only Josefina and Ana as therapists and I as the assistant, we won’t be able to make much progress, if not any at all, with significant validity to record on the students’ files. Boohoo! I can’t believe I’m already nearing to the end of my internship. Really, it sped by so fast! I feel like I have been repeating the same thing over and over throughout my posts these past few days, but it is because it truly strikes me. Time flew by. And I have grown fond of the people I met, students and teachers, and I don’t think I am completely wrong when I say my feelings are reciprocated.

           The morning 1:1 sessions were essentially tranquil. Ta fell in love with Ana all over again, and could not stop from staring at her for even one second. Always standing up to look at her right in the eyes, and caress her face, and who knows what else. When we were both exasperated by the stalled progress, and had trouble suppressing my nervous-frustrated laughs, Ana decided to leave the room. I cannot forget Ta’s glance of despair, watching his beloved abandon him. He whined loudly and cried for a minute before I (finally) managed to convince him to concentrate on finishing his exercises. What a relief to see him pull through the ten beads through the thick thread! I felt the greatest moment of satisfaction and accomplishment. Even Ta must have felt my ecstasy, though he was overly absorbed in contemplating Ana, who had returned to congratulate the lovesick boy.

Mu arrived twenty minutes late, a considerable improvement compared to the forty-minute late arrivals from the past two weeks. That boys is too strong for his own sake. He might have arrived earlier, but his refusal to work and brute strength prevented much progress. Indeed, I almost fell on the floor with the computer screen I clutched in a desperate attempt to regain balance, while Ana almost tumbled out of her chair when she attempted to bar his escapade to the refrigerator. If Ta strung my nerves with his distraction, Mu tested my patience with his denial in identifying a spoon. For the past two weeks, Mu has been doing the identification exercise for spoon (he has to choose a spoon amid other “distractor” objects), but he is not showing any improvement whatsoever. I am pretty sure it is his inattention and carelessness, but attitude does not excuse dearth of learning. Or does it? However, I forgive Mu for his sluggish and uncooperative mood, because goodness, Mu is sick, so sick! It’s not fair to send a child to school when he is at such a pitiful state, especially when he cannot voice his discomforts properly and understandably. He was sneezing at ten-minute intervals in the morning, and the air he ejected was particularly attracted to Ana’s and my faces. Oh dear, my immune system must have invigorated thanks to all the exposure to different microbes. In the afternoon, he came back from the daycare center at a worse state. Poor Mu had a red nose like Rudolf the Reindeer, and he could barely stop to sneeze or cough or sniffle. Nonetheless, his illness did not assuage his appetite. On the contrary, he devoured, and stole from others’ plates, anything that appeared edible.

           Talking about devouring. Br must have entered a black-hole-hungry depression stage, because he emptied the refrigerator. This was before snack time, but he had eaten all the lunch he had brought, a sufficient quantity to satisfy hunger for hours. And say, I was worried his depression might bring starvation. Lori, Ana and I were too astonished by the vacuumed refrigerator shelves where had been stored a piece of cake, cut apples, a banana, and milk. He foraged everything and anything in five minutes of our inattention, when the three of us were taking pictures (as it was Lori’s last day with me). Oh well. Do you ever reach a point in which you have repeated something so much you end up messing up what you say? Br pushed me to the brink. As an example, he characteristically twisted my hand and insisted, “Maria (his mother), vamos a la camioneta!” One of my automatic answers, “Br, yo no soy Maria”; instead, I slipped, “Br, no me llamo camioneta.” And I confess this was not the only occasion of my mistakes. For this reason, I apologize in advance if I ever call myself “truck,” or mix up words or names, in the middle of a conversation with you.

           The teenagers were generally in a blissful mood. Al again invited me to play puzzles with him. And this time Jo popped in. Jo had his mood shifts and anger explosions, but those are so characteristic of him I have learned to let them pass as the therapists advised. Sometimes, I forget Al has a different thinking process from mine, and I am reminded of the reality quite strongly when playing puzzles with him. What seems evident to me is challenging for him. It pinches my heart, but what can I do? I guess that’s why he is there to learn, and I am there to help. One thing about Al stuns me though: his endurance in cold. I mean, he was sweating in spite of wearing a short-sleeve shirt, when my teeth are clattering from the chill! And Fr? I’m not sure what was so funny, but he was cracking up all the time. It’s good to see him in a good mood. I hope it keeps on.

           If yesterday was a day to strip off clothes, today was a day to mark territory. Si and To are a fatal combination to keep in the same room. Today, they opted to leave plentiful puddles here and there around the carpet floor. The thing is, the therapists instructed me to ignore the children who intentionally behave badly, including pee on the floor. Anyway, I do not really have much alternatives, because it is not as if the boys wave me a sign to warn, “Hey! I’m going to pee now!” Whether with pants on or down, the boys do their business comfortably standing, out of nowhere, whenever they please. What usually happens is me looking at them horrified, turning my head in pretended nonchalance while biting my lip, waiting a two minutes, taking the still-pants-less/wet-pants boy to the bathroom (in the hope he will eject all liquid, though he manages to store some for later), and filling the bucket with cleaning product and water to spare the room from smelling like a zoo the next day. Lori and I were wiping off pee and thoroughly washing our hands much too often for my taste. Our last bonding moment was quite memorable, I assure you. Besides, though Si remained an angel except for his toilet accidents, To had other brilliant ideas in mind, such as dropping materials he was holding in his hand into the puddle. I am not a germ freak, but oh please! Despite all the havoc he causes, why does To have to be so cute and affectionate? Not only does he make me laugh with his obsessive distaste for broken boxes (his toy boxes all have cracks someplace), he also always comes to ask me for a kiss, pulls my face to his cheek, hugs me, gives me his wide cheeky smile. And by this time, I learned how to act sneakier, and I don’t get caught by Si anymore, meaning I do not become victim of Si’s jealousy attacks. (Lori did today though, and Si ended up pulling her hair, much harder and longer than he had to me that one time.) For an hour and half, I stumbled from Si, who led me around by the hand or stroke my face, to To, who demanded kisses all the time. I’m being spoiled myself by all the love, going from one student to the other.

           Charged last regular day. I’m on a countdown. It’s a peculiar feeling that I experience. I know I will miss the people at Centro “2 de abril,” and the therapists say they will miss me as well. But what about the children? I see them so affectionate and loving when they are around me, but how will they be when they realize I’m not there? I won’t find out, because I won’t be there anymore. And I think that only kindles my curiosity more. 

Day 13

           I made a resolution: I won’t say I’ve had a nice and “quiet” day ever again. It is almost as if a comment on the calm and peacefulness of one day brings an impending disorder the next day. But the truth is, though I may sound as if I am complaining, I am happier of the turn of today. After all, more disorder does imply more adventures.

           Bo was sick, and I therefore headed directly to Centro “2 de abril.” The poor sweetheart! He has contracted pneumonia! I hope he will heal soon, quickly, and completely. Mm, it’s sad that I could not say goodbye to him, or see him one last time. But he probably has already forgotten me. Oh, all the goodbyes with the children are mostly for me, let’s just admit, Se Jeong. When I arrived, Pati was with Mu and Ta and finishing to read Orejitas el conejo. (Did I mention how cute children’s books are, especially with all the illustrations accompanying the storyline?) I kissed a sleepy and low-energy Mu and a crumpled-under-frustration Ta. In spite of Ta’s obvious grumpiness and angriness, he falls under the category of people who sit around sulking rather than, well, rant and break everything on his path. From this introductory scene, my expectations prospected another serene day.

At 12, not one minute more nor one minute less, Pati announced lunchtime. I had the leisure to digest while I ate. No relays from front door to table to microwave. No jerked reflex movements to salvage whatever needed to be saved, except for that one time when Mu tried to steal my lunch container right out of my hand and I had to spin around on my stool away from the gourmand (who had already gulped down his share). No interruptions. I wasn’t the only one who enjoyed the lunch privilege; all the therapists had the luck, the rare luck. After lunch, the director decided the children could spend much of the afternoon playing outside. It was a beautiful day, sunny, with a breeze neither chilly nor heated. Days with such a wonderful day always make me happy, and it seemed to cheer the therapists and students alike as well. Thus I spent most of the afternoon outside with the children, and sharing my goodbyes with Pati whom I won't see anymore.
So far, my readers must be wondering, “I don’t understand Se Jeong’s initial comment. Everything seems to be flowing smoothly.” How about this: the children were gearing up. They were following rules of fair play to allow the therapists and me to fuel ourselves, to have at least a meager chance to catch up with them, after they had engaged their game. Furthermore, I believe people may sometimes be contaminated with external influences, such as the attitude of a friend or peer. The effect is apparently valid for the students at school. One after the other, they filed in, the next wilder than the prior. The wildness spread like wildfire, and soon all were affected. Br was in his down mood again! I thought he had recovered, but I guess I thought wrong. He did eat all his lunch, alone, without any spoon-feeding; I am noting this as a good sign, because the most extreme stages of Br’s depression are marked by a dearth of all motivation and suppression of hunger, hinting at suicidal thoughts. Jo was in a fighter’s mood, anything provoked his spitting (literally) wrath. Al was, as always, relatively calm and happy, smiling at the air and giggling nervously every so often (“around you!” they tell me). Fr challenged Pati’s authority a bit too numerous times, but he completed all his assignments in the end. Thank goodness he did not regress to his violence! I really, really do not want him to be kicked out for a turbulence of anger and violence. Ta was thankfully in a lighter mood by this time (he was probably delighted by Ana's arrival). Fe did not come, for the second day in a row. Upon my questions, Josefina told me she had not heard anything from his mother concerning his absences. I just hope he is not awfully sick. To? He improved in his abstinence in throwing things at the school (at home is another story entirely. I am not included in family therapy though; mostly Josefina alone talks with the parents, along with another psychologist I do not know all that well.). But no, apart from his terrible compulsion, To was charging indoors and outdoors at a invisible red cloth. I swear, watching him reminds me of a bull. He even puts his fingers on either sides of his head, pointing them forward like the bull's horn, and slightly bending over to run around.

If I had been stunned by the boys’ ease at walking pants-less in the house, I was not in the least prepared to watch Si strip off his clothes and run around naked. As soon as he arrived, his shoes flew off his feet, and soon his socks trailed on the floor. Fifteen minutes later, as if in a rage, Si quite neatly pulled his pants, underwear, sweater, and shirt down and off. His peers did not really seem to mind; the few who noticed seemed amused, either laughing or pointing their finger at the dancing elf. I, on the other hand, did not know how to react. Not so much because I was uncomfortable. Dear god, no, I was pretty much used to seeing naked people in Centro “2 de abril” by now and grew quite immune to it. My source of discomfort stemmed more so from my uncertainty on how to react. After a brief thought process, I settled on ignoring and pretending nothing had happened (which turned out to be the good choice, Lori, Ana and Pati later assured). But in mind, I was trying hard to repress my instinct to immediately pick up the clothes and force Si to put them back on, a process delayed for around ten minutes. Apart from repeating the clothing removal show thrice (including once outside, in the backyard, where a couple of passersby threw us a “que te pasa, loco?!?!” glance before scurrying away), Si also ended up with a bloody nose and a self-inflicted scratch on his chin, and sipped disinfectant. I was the first to notice the injuries, and also the one who snatched the medicine bottle from Si’s hand. You cannot imagine my worry when I saw blood dripping from the little boy’s face, and my even greater horror when I realized the content of Si’s drink. Simultaneously, when I screamed a horrified “Si!” and (unintentionally quite aggressively) seized the disinfectant, Si pushed the bottle into my hand as he began spitting, disliking the taste of the medicine. Thank goodness for the automatic spitting, I suspect Si did not swallow any of the liquid. I’m not sure whether disinfectant is toxic or not, but I don’t want to risk anything potentially dangerous.

I think Si gave me the most shock of the day, maybe of the entire internship. I’ve seen other drastic accidents happen as well, but I was never at the core. But, to relieve the mood, let me expound briefly about To’s amusing behavior, his intentional wrongdoings for me. Each time he would drop or throw something to the floor, he would dash to me and call my attention. He tugged at my right arm, looked up at me with a cheeky smile, gestured widely towards the upside-down flower pot or bowl, kept tugging more. When I convincingly ignored him, he would even pull my face down towards him, holding the back of my neck and attempting to force me to pay attention to him, until Lori or Pati strode to free me. The therapists laughed watching his little routine. “Look at me! Look at what I did! Am I not so bad? Hello! Aren’t you going to scold me?” Lori, Ana and Pati had a fun time in inserting words for To’s enthusiastic hollow calling. Oh To, when will you learn to stop throwing things to the floor? *sigh* I feel as if, at this rate, I won’t accompany his first trip to the zoo with the people of Centro “2 de abril.”

In all truth, I’m all used to everything happening in Centro “2 de abril” now. No day comes as a complete novelty, because though marked and altered by new features daily, I have grown used to the freshness of every single day. I gladly await (and somewhat hope) for each new day. I am also pleasantly surprised at finding each day bringing more confidence and less doubt on my part, on my actions. Decide for yourself: how would you rate today? I say it was more chaotic than yesterday, but much less disorderly than other days. Would you agree?

Day 12

            I can hardly believe it. I am embarking on my last week of internship. Already. Time flew by, quite literally, and so fast! I feel like I have been gone from school forever, but yet, two weeks? I am really wrecking all my senses of time lately. I sometimes even found myself forgetting which day of the week it was. Especially Wednesdays… I don’t know why each and every Wednesday felt like a Thursday. I just don’t understand why, because there is no specific reason that justifies my troubled sense of time.

           Anyhow, back to the internship experiences. Calm days and less eventful days have been a rarity in my life these past few days (or could I extend to months, or even years?). But today, I would say, quite fits the description of a calm and less eventful day. As I am writing this post, I keep thinking, “Wait, what can I write?” For once, dearest readers, you will be blessed with a shorter post from Se Jeong’s Internship blog. Yay for your time-saving!

           I believe I spent a good forty minutes chattering with April. For, yes, Mu arrived around forty minutes late today. Despite the limited amount of time, Mu managed to complete almost all the exercises on his file. He should have felt very accomplished when he left on his school bus at 10h30. Usually, it takes a tremendous amount of persuasion and running behind his “catch-me-if-you-can”s to go through the same quantity of exercises. Mu is a bright pupil, really, and if he keeps as focused as he was today, his progress would be considerable.

           If Mu was concentrated, Ta was the complete opposite. Ta was as distracted as could be, even though Ana was not there. Everything and anything could catch his attention, digress him away from April’s and my instructions. I could feel my cheek muscle twitching; I was forcing myself to keep smiling brightly that hard. My patience boiled to the limit, threatening to spill over, but I somehow managed to keep my tolerance level slightly (oh so slightly) above. April was in a similar tense state. She would occasionally (and increasingly frequently) glance at me, rolling her eyes to signify her irritation. I would bite my lip and let out my breath before going back to the task of engaging Ta to finish the ten-piece puzzle he had begun six minutes earlier. Working with the distracted Ta exhausted me. I knew I had to maintain my composure and a pleasant demeanor. I knew and I knew. However, knowing does not guarantee an easy task in doing. Phew, at least I can now feel happy I managed to go through the trial successfully.

           Except for Ta, everything went smoothly. Even Br recovered fully from his depression! I was happy to see energetic and loud, merry Br again. Of course, his constant and consistent lines ring in my head for the rest of the day (and evening). But I prefer seeing and hearing him so than watching him struggle through his down mood. He still comes to twist my fingers though, and he’ll keep on until I’m not there anymore.

           Until I’m not there anymore… I wonder if the children will notice my absence. The teenagers will; they are aware and in touch with their surroundings. But the children, I am not sure. Some might, others I am doubtful. Of one thing only I am certain of: I know I will miss them.

Day 11

Friday, May 30^th, 2014

           What a wonderfully chaotic day! Yes, note the paradox. Today, more than on previous days, I was rocked through a series of action-reaction-emotion that left me breathless yet feeling accomplished. “Hm,” you must wonder, “what might have happened that caused Se Jeong such waves of tumult?” Mu’s birthday party.

Mu’s actual birthday was last Saturday, but it was celebrated at Centro “2 de abril” today. It was originally set on this week’s Tuesday, but the therapists and I decided to push back the date. After all, what is better than ending the week with a nice birthday? Besides, it worked better for Mu’s mother as well.

You can imagine the impatience, anticipation, clouding the atmosphere of the center from morning to afternoon. In all truth, the feelings were emanating mostly from the therapists and me. The students appeared to sense something in the air, something that triggered an extra adrenaline push in the teachers, yet they seemed oblivious to the core of excitement (and stress). Well, all the students except one, Fr. Fr understands verbal language, and therefore knew we would celebrate Mu’s birthday. Thank goodness he is not a gourmand, because he is quick and strong, and would be impossible to bar from the stored food. The rest would blink at me as I briskly passed by them, heaving under the weight of enormous Disco bags cracking with alfajores, pasta frolas of dulce de leche or dulce de membrillo and pizza. The curious, hungry ones would try to sneak into the kitchen and steal a treat. Result: a constant eye with superhuman reflexes had to guard the kitchen.

Mu was calmer, much calmer, than he was yesterday. But calmer does not mean more hard-working. He exasperated Ana, once again, during his breakfast (exercise). After devouring cookies and juice (his favourite part), he refused to clean after himself (i.e. wiping the table and sweeping the floor). Even pushing and tugging is ineffective with Mu; he ends up running away at the speed of lightning, and once he sits down… it’s difficult to make him bulge. The therapists cannot suppress their laughter when they find me attempting, in vain, to lift Mu from the ground, losing my balance when he pulls me down beside him (which is his manner of telling me, “Stop bothering me and chill, Missie!). Mu reminds me of a grizzly bear, all cuddly and cute one second, grumpy and grunting the next. You know which exercise makes me chuckle of mixed amusement and exasperation with Mu? The repetition of vowel sounds, such as “aaa” and “eee.” Mu knows how to make those sounds (he always uses it to voice his irritation/boredom against us!), but he never wants to repeat after the teachers’ instructions. Instead, he starts to glare at the teacher who leads this particular exercise, to breathe heavily like an angry bull. After a couple days of observation, I came to a personal theory for his stubborn refusal. I feel Mu thinks we are making fun of him when we make the sounds. I feel Mu is smarter than the teachers judge him, and that he understands verbal language much better than they deem. That’s why I carefully choose my words around Mu (among a few other students). I do not want to make a mistake that earns his distrust.

The three hours of morning 1:1 sessions flew by. After forcing Mu through a couple of exercises for his registro until 10h30, Ana decided to leave Mu to himself. His constant escapades were his way of asking for attention, as he loves to be chased and dragged back to his stool. Though he has to work, it’s not good to reinforce his behavior all the time. Furthermore, Ta and Fe arrived at that time, turning our focus to them. Poor Fe! The moment he walked in I knew he was sick (I was confirmed by an SMS from his mother). He was even more affectionate and cuddly. I was helping him take his coat off, softly whispering words of comfort, and he leaned against me, motioning my hand to comb his hair. His bloodshot eyes and cough gave me a pang, because the sweetheart’s slumber must have been disrupted by the move. With Fe in such a state, and Mu so uncooperative, Ana read a short children’s book on a birthday party, “to initiate the mood.” Meanwhile, I concentrated my efforts on cutting/drawing Mu’s birthday card and decorating the dining room (as if prom’s had not been enough!). As I’m terrible at blowing balloons, it took me double, or more, the time someone else might take.

Lunch was a gift time for once! The students did not come one after the other (with enough time interval to make me rally from kitchen to gate every five minutes), belated because they were buying a gift for Mu with their mother or older brother. Br recovered from his depression, though he still yearns for attention all around. He came to sing and twist my fingers a couple of times. I tried to care more for Fe, who looked terrible. However, Si kept poking around the corners to gently lead me into his curtain corner. The biggest major conflict of lunchtime was fueled by the television. When, at one, I announced the television could now be turned on, Fr rushed towards me with “Monsters inc.” in his hand. Obviously, he was as sick and tired of Barney as the teachers were. But Br and Ta wanted “Barney.” In the end, we settled for thirty minutes of each, although we ended up putting the prior during the entire period.

After lunchtime, we had another story time, to hint at the birthday party that was coming two hours and half later. It was the first time the entire group was put together in the same room, and I understand now why it is not done more often. The students were uncontainable! And Al decided to have his hyper day today! The giant was giggling unstoppably; anything was the most hilarious thing that could happen! Well, at least I’m thankful he did not begin prancing around the room, and that he listens well to the direction, “Quietito. Quedate tranquilo.”

After story time, it was class time for an hour and a half. Oh yes, it can take up to an hour to read a thirteen-page picture book with these children and teenagers. The time it takes to make them sit– and stay seated –, settle down, read, catch and retain their attention… It’s a feat, a whole adventure entirely! I end up memorizing the book, because the pages are read and reread to each student, in the attempt to engage them. Me? I was with To. I feel all warm inside, because To is almost my own student. Since he began attending the center almost at the same time as I began coming, the therapists trust me to guard him. And having spent the most time with him compared to other teachers, I know his quirks and habitudes, and he grew to like me. He even comes to kiss me when he arrives! And one thing I realized: To is an angel until four (and I mean 16h00 sharp). After four, he turns into an unmanageable, restless beast who throws and shatters anything on his path. Luckily (for me), my time with him usually ends around that time, and I am put in charge of another group of students. But I find myself dashing behind him and catching him far too several times from 16h00 onwards.

A little after four, the therapists and I began preparing for the party. Ana and Lori guarded the children away from the kitchen while Josefina and I set the table for the party, heating up the pizza and pouring soda into cups. And wow, from that point on, everything is a rush in my mind! I remember running back and forth from kitchen counter to students, relaying cups and plates from table to sink. I remember washing dishes hurriedly, stopping momentarily to dry my hands and run to (try to) prevent a spilling accident, wiping the face and hands of a child. I remember shrieking when my hand on a stool and felt the unpleasant surprise of a puddle against my palm. I also remember my surprise at Ta suddenly vomiting from nerves and gulping down three slices of pizza and an alfajor. And I remember finally coaxing Mu out of the bathroom, which he visited more than ten times. (He was frustrated almost the entire day, because his stomach was upset but he didn’t manage to… well, you see what I mean. Thank goodness he could in the end. If not, his mood would have been clouded on this joyful day.) I remember glimpses of many moments from the next hour and fifty minutes (until 17h58), and none of them are of peace.

But yet, amidst the chaos and indoor workout, I feel happy. Because all the students (even Ta, I hope) had a good time. Though they did not really understand, they felt they were celebrating something important for Mu. (Only Jo was temporarily unhappy, because he was jealous and wanted it to be his birthday.) We sang “Happy birthday,” and Mu blew his candle. In reality, we lighted the candles four times. Once because Jo blew them; the others, because we could not get a good picture of Mu blowing his candle. Mu was blissful! Not so much because of the nine presents he received, but more so because of all the food he could eat at his leisure. Oh, he was contented, and his stomach was satisfied.

I had met all the parents at least once previously, but I properly had a conversation with them for the first time today. And I think they appreciate my coming to the center. Maybe it is because I spent time with their children. Maybe it is because I care for them, and love them. Maybe it is because they are grateful I grew affectionate of their child, and their children, in turn, like me as well. Whatever the reason, they were all very kind. And extremely talkative. I was caught by one after the other. All the things I heard! All so proud and defensive of their children. It really warmed my heart, their love for their sons really did.

And, at the end, just when I was leaving, I received a surprise gift as well. I had told the therapists my birthday was two weeks ago, on May 15^th, because I always got my age wrong. (It’s as if my birthday was too recent for me to remember I was eighteen when I first came to the center, less than a week after my birthday.) I was hugging Mu goodbye when the lights suddenly turned off and Josefina, Lori and Ana walked in chanting “Happy birthday” to me, holding a plate with an alfajorcito and a little wrapped present. I was so touched! Really, truly. Though small, I could feel their genuine attention and affection, and it really made me feel all warm inside.