Day 9

           Every day announces a new adventure. I am amazed by the variety of feats I find myself accomplishing. And the acknowledgements, praise, I receive further empower me in becoming better and gaining confidence in my performance at work. Indeed, all the therapists encouraged me, assuring that they see me more poised around the child, and commented on my quick grasp on the activities and the children’s individual quirks and characters.

           Decidedly, Mu will continue having the worst attendance during the term of my internship. Not only he comes in late in the morning (forty minutes today), he also misses his afternoon sessions. Well, no, I’m making him sound worse than he actually is. It is not his fault his mother has a busier schedule lately, and can have trouble in bringing him in. Nonetheless, whatever the cause, his absences affect his progress. I suspect Mu is not sleeping well these nights, because he comes to the center with zero motivation. He barely cooperates or follows directions, preferring to roll on the floor and tense to make it more difficult to lift him up. How many times did I almost fall on my face while attempting to make him stand up and return to his seat? Innumerably many times. Even when I put my most severe voice, Mu does not really bother to listen to me; at the same time, he realized I cannot win him in brute strength. I find consolation when I manage to keep him seated and prevent him from sliding off the chair or running off to an errand to the refrigerator. I tried in vain, and I cannot do better than that. Ana and I did manage to fill in some of Mu’s exercises for his register, as Fe did not come today. (By the by, Pati defined Fe’s disorder to me yesterday: Fe lacks a corpus callosum, the portion of the brain that connects the left and right hemispheres of the brain. Therefore, Fe has a lot of trouble in coordinating movements, and his therapy is more physical than anything. Fe even has trouble in focusing his eyesight, his eyes wandering independently from left and right.) You might be wandering what I mean by register. Each student has an individualized registro in which are indicated several, specific exercises, depending on his level and weaknesses. All the students basically share similar exercises that vary depending on the advancement level. The exercises are, in general, repeated ten times, following the idea that multiple trials eliminate erroneous responses. The therapists record the child’s progress by notating whether the student: (+) did the exercise alone; (AP – ayuda parcial) did the exercise with some help, in the form of a verbal instruction; (AM – ayuda masiva) required the teacher to hold and guide his hand, showing him how the exercise is to be done; or (-) could not do the exercise, did not know what to do. Mu may take time to fulfill the requirements, but his performance is affected not from ignorance but from inattention and lack of motivation. I mean, please, he does not even bother to look at the objects or us teachers, yet to open his eyes.

           After struggling with Mu, who left on his schoolbus, Ana and I had a brief five minutes of freedom until Ta arrived. From a couple of days of observation, I came to the conclusion Ta should definitely not work with Ana: He is too busy staring at her and asking for kisses. Ana agreed with me, especially after she saw the considerably more work Ta did when she left the room and under my guidance. Example? Ta did not slide one bead through the thread for seven minutes with Ana, while he finished placing in all ten by himself in eight minutes with me. It’s cute to watch Ta around Ana, although it would have been saccharine if Ta were twenty-five years older. But enough is enough, and Ta reached the limit of acceptability. Time to work is not time to be excessively sweet. I manage to push him away better (when he approaches me, the substitute, after being rejected too much), but then again he is more persistent with Ana.

           Ana and I felt very hungry by noon. Nonetheless, lunchtime was delayed by an unexpectedly arrival: Si. How hyper Si was today! Ana did dismiss me though, forcedly sending me to eat; she hates to “starve” me. I hurriedly heated my food, and began my lunch errands, marching back and forth, digesting as well as possible. In a blink, my food containers were emptied, and I focused on the children. Jo and Br had arrived as well, and they added to the weight. Br’s singing is still ringing in my head, and my fingers still feel the pressure of his grip. Jo? I think he transmitted me many antibodies, thanks to the coughs and sneezes he directed to me (almost worse than Sang, I say). And meanwhile, Si decided to become Spiderman today, and to climb atop the shelves. He came down alone when I asked him; he listens to me so well since yesterday! But disaster almost struck, and oh my goodness I am so grateful I followed my intuition! After I came back from the kitchen, I found Si gripped to the shelf. For some reason, my impulse was to grab him by the waist. If I had not done so, Si would have fallen backwards to the floor. My butt and right leg hurt, but potential severe injuries were avoided. Also, Si must have felt shocked as well, because he did not climb on top of the shelves again, after landing protected in my arms. Lori and the director congratulated me for overcoming Si’s caprices, particularly when they saw him gathering the caja de formas he dropped on the floor upon my instruction. Si is one of the wildest, and his obedience to me reflects his affection for me. Today again, he led me by the hand gently, making me sit with him in his favourite corner, where he secluded us from others by enwrapping us in the curtain. His only slip was when I left his side to help Lori with To, our little troublemaker who relishes in throwing objects on the floor… and pulling his pants down to garner attention.

           To just loves to receive the look of surprise and exclamations of protest. He purposely drops objects on the floor to look at me with a big wide smile, wondering with high expectations what my reaction will be. It is as if he is challenging me, “And now? What are you going to do now?”. Una cara de cumpleaños, that's what he turns to me. I confess, it is difficult for me to hold back my impulses, to abstain from cleaning up the mess he makes, or to not turn away from his naked lowerbody. But I am becoming considerably (scarily) better at ignoring him, not giving him satisfaction. In fact, I am growing immune to a number of things, I am not absolutely certain whether it is good or bad. Oh well. I need my defense and survival mechanism at the center. Apart from those “minor” details, To was adorable. The therapists “aww”ed when To presented his cheek for a kiss, when he looked at me with his big brown puppy eyes as he was playing properly with the toys I gave him. (Josefina and I chose a selection of toys, specially designed for To. He has three boxes in his disposition: one with pencils, one with wooden pieces, one with alphabet-letters magnets. To is to play with one box at a time, the one he chooses when the teacher gives him the option. And he is to order all the pieces back in the box before he can ask for another box.) To improved a considerable lot, and abstains himself much better from throwing things to the ground. But endurance is not his area of strength, and after two hours of work, he became increasingly restless and fidgety and rebellious. He left his mark half an hour before he left, spilling over a drawer and Jo’s cup filled with juice.

           By 16h00, I was drained by To. To is the best trainer for sharpening my reflexes, and my energy was absorbed by constant attention and standing-up-and-sitting-down routines. Josefina asked me and Lori (she was in charge of To for today) to try to prevent any of To’s accident from happening, to reward his good behavior with a trip to the zoo. Despite my best efforts, he could not go to his always-asked-for zoo (I should have held To’s other hand when Lori was struggling with him and Si on either side).

           Drama happens everywhere, I swear. I am not spared of drama by escaping from high school, and this was made clearer. Ana, Lori and I were leading a group session with Si, Ta, Jo and Al. Of course, Ta was entranced by Ana, and he did not stop rising from his chair to twirl one of her curls or touch her face. Lori and I could not suppress our laughter; it is very comic to see Ta so lovey-dovey with Ana. We ended up turning away or hiding our faces in our arms to not laugh out loud while Ana was trying to sound as severe and firm as she possibly could. Ana wasn’t the only one in the middle of such a situation though. I was enthusiastically praising each student for their good work, but when I congratulated Al and high-fived him (he always asks me to high-five him since yesterday’s puzzle) Jo glared and began to misbehave. He began shouting, and booing, and even gave the middle finger to everyone. Ana told him to leave the classroom, but he stayed inside, beating the floor with fists and feet. His fit passed, but it also changed my perspective of him a lot. Jo always tried to help me with anything he did, and he was always disposed to give a hand to any teacher. But that slip just ruined the image of the helpful and nice student.

I thought teases and jokes about love ended with teenage. The therapists at Centro “2 de abril” prove my hypothesis wrong. They do not say it openly, but they imply of a “love triangle” I am stuck in with Al and Jo at its corner. They don’t try to make it awkward for me, but they are evidently amused by the new dynamic among the elder students due to my temporary stay. I have the feeling I am disrupting their daily lives in a different way from the others, mostly because of their age. Whereas the others run the risk of becoming spoiled under my affection, these two run the risk of an emotional rollercoaster. Al is a giant teddy bear, and as innocent as a lamb. He constantly giggles when he is around me, and the teachers were amused by his obvious shyness and embarrassment around me. On the other hand, Jo is more violent and irritable, and he is very annoyed when I am with someone else, especially Al.
Something else that I am realizing, and hate to admit, is that I am beginning to have my own preferences among the children and teenagers. I have more fun with one, or a more pleasant time with another. I repress a slight reluctance at watching one, or hold back from recoiling while cleaning another. I sense the other teachers have their personal preferences as well. But the signs that reveal their tastes are subtle, and catch my eye only subliminally. I hope I do not show any obvious signs. In truth, I hope my personal taste stops to grow and spread once and for all. However, I know the latter wish is unrealistic, since I am a human who has emotions and expressions. And the best I can do is compose myself and do not let myself slip.

From running after To, catching Si from falling, balancing between two teenage boys, among all other things, my spelling and grammar mistakes are worsening (thank goodness I have the “backspace” key). Good night, and yay for another day!